I think one of the hardest emotional struggle out of everything I have gone through was and is still the survivor’s guilt, depression, and shame. Regaining me was going to be hard but I didn't know how hard it was going to be. During conversations, I could literally see people’s faces turn to pity and sadness when I struggled to remember words or sometimes how to pronounce them. Seeing their faces made me anxious and I would stumble even more. I used to be able to speak so clearly and fluently, never struggling to find words. The memory loss also affected my ability to comprehend what people were saying. I would forget the person was talking about in the middle of their story and would end up embarrassed. Sometimes when I would try to talk, it was as if a big stop sign was put up in my brain. I would forget what I was saying and go completely blank, this too was so embarrassing. (Still to this day I struggle with memory loss, comprehension, going blank, speaking problems, and the list goes on) If you or someone you know is going through this or something similar, help them by loving them, understanding them and always let them know you care. You don’t know their struggles until your hear it from them. Getting through this is hard and may take a very long time for even a small feeling of normalcy.
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Jennifer GroverI was born March 1974. Archives
February 2021
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